1 year major update

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

I cannot thank Allah enough for all the nikma that He has bestowed upon me, my family and my friends. I has indeed been a year since I last wrote a post and the blog has definitely gone all dusty full of webs. fuuuuh fuuuuuuuh *clearing the dust*

So many things have happened within the year, and again, all praises be to Allah, only because of Him and through Him that I am able to be where I am today.Since April 2013(the last post I have written), I have achieved several things on my imaginary(because I didn't write them down) checklist of 'Things to do Before Turning 30'.

I actually promised myself to not write about personal stuff here in the blog, but this post is special, and one of its kind. ceh perasan. It's an update post for the past one year and 6 months. Hope whoever's reading this blog don't mind.

1) First of all, Alhamdulillah, I have started working as a full time teacher in Kuala Lumpur since last July. It is indeed a joy, teaching  young children English, Mathematics and Music. Though the experience I had during my primary school years seem so different from the kids nowadays, I find it very interesting getting understanding and adapting what I think would be effective to fit the needs of the kids nowadays. It was indeed a blessing from Allah that I got posted to this school as the teachers are so helpful and friendly and the atmosphere is very 'lepaklepak'. No rush to getting the work done, no hassle from the GB. Alhamdulillah

2) Got my license Alhamdulillah after the third trial. *hides in closet* To tell you the truth, having to pass at the third try made me a better Muslim, I think. Ye lah, you get to really understand that no matter how hard you try and learn and study, if Allah doesn't will it, it wouldn't happen. The first time I failed was at 'bukit'. The second time was at 'bukit' as well. The third time, I was given a second chance by the officer at the 'bukit'. Indeed, Allah has soften and opened the officer's heart to letting me go for a second try. If the officer was a women, I would have shook her hand, even kiss her hand for letting me go. Thank you pakcik! The parking and the U parking weren't as hard, but again, if Allah says "Yes", then, it's a go go go for you. :) Alhamdulillah

3) Bought a house. Well, it's just an apartment, but still, a huge achievement for someone like me. (saves very little, spend lots on food and travelling). It's in Putrajaya which meant I have to commute everyday. Why the heck stay in Putrajaya when the mom stays in Ampang? Wait for reason no. 4.

4) I got married! This, is the biggest, most adult-like decision I have ever made in my entire life. It wasn't easy getting to this stage of life where you give up yourself to some strange man. I had my nikaah last September and the reception is to be held on the 6th of December, inshaAllah. I married someone I thought would be the best person to remind me about Allah and the akhirat, and I truly hope that he could lead me to jannah inshaAllah. I think I should write about how the relationship went before the nikaah. To think about it, I was indeed very brutal to him. Tegur direct je takde lapis2, kalau taknak layan, would totally ignore him. Kasihan sang suami mengenang nasib nak kahwin dengan Hazwani Hasnan takde support.  But again, Alhamdulillah, the nikma of being married is bountiful. :)

Will write about the major events that lead to the nikaah soon. Not for anybody, but for me to remember our bittersweet journey before knotted for life :)

An-Nas (Mankind)

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the most merciful.

Say: "I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of mankind,
The King of mandkind---
The Illah (God) of mankind,
From the evil of the whisperer (devils who whispers evil in the hearts of men) who withdraws (from his whispering in one's heart after one remembers Allah)
Who whispers in the breasts of mankind.
Of jinn and men"

I missed usrah this week because of work and so I decided to make up time to read a little bit of tafseer. This is the last surah in the series of surah in the Quran and one that I always recite in my solah. Before this I knew a little bit here and there the meaning of the ayahs, but today, after opening a few books and qurans, I realised that there is a deeper meaning to ayahs.

If you flip open the quran with tafseer, Mushaf Uthmani is the one we could easily get in Malaysia, yes the one with the zip or even the clip button, the meaning of Surah An-Nas is a wee bit different from the above. The above meaning was taken from an English tafseer published in the Saudi and meant to be distributed during my university's Islamic Awareness Week in 2011. (I took one of them for future references because the translation is clearer and of course, because they had extra at the end of the week).

So anyways, I realised that I am often in this situation mentioned in the surah. Where one gets drifted and sunk into the pleasure of sin, and then, woken by the fear of Allah's wrath and consequently saying his/her istighfar. Yes, I've been in that situation countless times that even before writing this post, I find that there is a need to reset my intention every single second so that the feeling of "oh I'm so good for writing this"is not going to be there as I write.

I strongly believe that if one has this realisation that the feeling mentioned above needs to be pushed aside, Allah has definitely shone His light towards him/her. Believe it or not, the whispers of shaitan comes in a very subtle, most invincible way. They would whisper into our hearts that you're doing this wrongly and you're intention is unclear and what nots. Which could become a challenge and sometimes stop you from collecting rewards from your ibadah.

One thing that we often do when we are faced with such a challenge is we stop doing the things we did due to the overwhelming feeling of riya'. Sebab kita taknak terus menerus dalam keadaan dosa? Am I right?

Guys, this is not the way to go. Because when we stop ourselves from doing good, just because of the feeling, doesn't that mean that shaitaan has finally become the winner there? First they're successful making you believe that all the feeling you had was riya'and secondly, you've stopped doing good, which is what the shaitaan wanted from the very beginning.

My situation lately, is I was always being reminded about my past. How fun it was and how I was free and happy. I could not stop myself from listening to the whispers of shaitaan but I know that Allah has put me in a better place now even though it may not be as fun as it was in the past. I persuaded myself with countless ayahs in the Quran saying that this world is nothing but a playground and the hereafter is the real world. I know that I must win this battle against the shaitaan.

in your face, shaitaan!

So here's a counter attack for that wretched being: You (and me) are going to fight that feeling. Whenever that feeling comes, quickly say your (and my) istighfar and always keep reminding ourselves that all of these, the ibadahs, are for Allah. That we are just His slaves and none but He can receive compliments. And also, always recite aúzhubillahiminash shaitonnirrajim. It doesn't hurt to do a little bit of dua before starting any action.

Try this for a day or two and let's see how amazing this will work. InshAllah, everything put forth for the sake of Allah, He will help us and make it easy for us :)

The King of Hearts

In the name of Allah, the ever gracious, the most merciful.

So, many things have been happening for the past 2 weeks. I turned 24 last Monday and went for an adventure for five days with my good friends, Grace and Yanie. But this post isn't about how the trip went instead, about my JPJ test which is going to be held this Friday.

Tipulah kalau cakap tak takut atau nervous.

Being 24 and all, I know that it's a little too late to learn how to drive but it is one of the most basic skills, I believe one should have. In all the commotion and mixed feelings, I realised how this feeling could easily overcome/ control your relationship with God. To tell you the truth, even in solah and in duás I never forgot to ask Allah to make easy my journey to pass the test. Sometimes I get super uptight about the test that my head revolves about clutch, gears and hand breaks even during solah.

reflect and you will see.

In life, especially when you are still in school, you will face countless exams and tests. It is normal, I guess, to be nervous and all (even though boys are more in control in this) and when you become nervous your head can only think about the exam, the questions that may come out and what happens if you fail. Then, only then, that your head can't focus on the other things (like taking care of yourself and the people around you). And the most important thing, you neglect your responsibility as a Muslim. Yes, one could say that he/she has performed his/her prayers, but did he/she really had a meaningful, fulfilling time meeting Allah?

I have been facing this problem lately, the inability to focus ever since I was informed the date of my test. Being the youngest and all, I felt under pressure because all my siblings passed on the first trial.

I really hoped that my fear does not overcome my devotion towards Allah. You know sometimes when we get too scared of something, that something became our main concern? Yes, I worry that my fear towards the test goes beyond my fear towards Allah's wrath, naúzhubillahimin zaalik.

Sometimes we don't notice these kind of things, but they happen, they exist. When the worldly things become our main priority, we place them in the place of a higher importance than our obedience towards Allah. Always remember that, everything has its place but Allah's place is always at the top and none other. Allah is our King. He is the King of Hearts. Being the creator of all and the most powerful, His place is and will always be on top. Believe it or not, Allah can change everything in split seconds and none can object Him when it is His will. Be alarmed that if we put other creations in His place, Allah's wrath is definitely going to be in its way.

I hope Allah will guide us when we are in such a place, and forgive us for that, Allahumma Amiin.

اللهم لا تجعل الدنيا أكبر همنا

"O Allah, do not make this world our biggest concern..." 

That time of the month

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the ever-merciful.

Allah created women with different physiological features to men. One of the most obvious ones is the menstrual cycle.

According to Ibn Hajat al-Asqalani in Fath al-Bari, the first woman to have had period was the mother of all human, Hawa, when she left heaven and lived on earth. At that time of the month, given what's ordained by Allah, women are restricted to perform most of the main ibadahs such as solah and reading the Quran. And most of us, more often than not, thought that it is some kind of a holiday Allah has given to us, which also meant, that it is a break from seeking pahala (reward) from Allha. 

"By Al-Asr (the time). Verily, man is in loss, except those who beleieve in (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth and recommend one another patience"103:1-3 

Allah, in the Quran has stated, in surah Al-Asr, how time is one of the most powerful weapon which an either direct us towards heaven or hell, naúzubillahimin zaalik. When we're not seeking Allah, of course the temptation from shaitan seems a lot more desirable. Therefore, we should really make use of the time that we have, every single minute in life, whether it's that time of the month or not. 

One of the things that we could do is to make niat, things that we do as ibadah. Remember, everything that we do, can qualify as ibadah as long as they are conducted in good manner, with good intention and does not lead to munkar. Even without the main ibadahs such as solat and fasting, any act that fulfills the above criterias can help to increase our afterlife's share. Be that greedy person who takes every opportunity that comes her way.

Zikr is like a rope, tying the heart so that it is always near to Allah. There are all kinds of zikr that we could say during our period and the main ones are istighfar, tahmeed, takbeer, tasbeeh and also Al-mathurat. Allah, in surah Al-Ahzan has once said that "The men and women who's mouths endlessly say my name, Allah will reward them with forgiveness and the biggest of rewards".

Because it is haraam to pray when one is having her period, there would definitely be more time to dwell oneself into books. For someone who likes to read like myself, I think the slots I allocate for solat, when my time of the month comes, I think it is best to read books about aqidah, feeqah and akhlak. As a result, the reading and ílmu gained from the reading could transfer as confidence when performing solah and in life, in general.

These are just some of things that we girls could do to really fill our 'free'time when that time of the month comes. Remember, time waits for no man.

Selalu Bertaubat dan Beristighfar

Dengan nama Allah yang maha penyayang lagi maha mengasihani.

Abu hurairah r.a meriwayatkan bahawa Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud:

"Seorang hamba melakukan satu dosa lalu ia berkata: 'Wahai Rab, aku melakukan satu dosa maka ampunilah aku'. Maka Allah berkata: 'Adakah hamba-Ku tahu bahawa dia mempunyani Tuhan yang mengampuni dosa dna menghapuskannya? Aku telah mengampuni hamba-Ku.'

Kemudian, setelah beberapa ketika, dia kembali melakukan doa dan berkata: 'Wahai Rab, aku telah berbuat dosa lain, maka ampunilah aku. 'Allah kemudia berkata: 'Adakah hamba-Ku tahu bahawa Dia mempunyai TUhan yang mengampuni dosa dan memaafkannya? Aku telah mengampuni hamba-Ku'

Kemudia setelah beberapa ketika, ia melakukan dosa lagi dan berkata:'Wahai Rab, ak telah berbuat dosa lain, maka ampunilah aku'Allah berfirman: Apakah hamba-Ku tahnu bahawa dia mempunyai Tuhan yang mengampuni dosa dan memaafkannya? Aku telah mengampuni hamba-Ku-- sebanyak tiga kali-- maka lakukanlah apa yang disukainya.'"

(Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim) 

of Iman's passing

In the name of Allah.

Yesterday news arrived to me that a friend has gone to meet His sole creator. One thing that was even more shocking was the fact that arwah was involved in a motorcycle-lorry accident. Arwah was riding his motorbike and then hit by a lorry who then, left like nothing happend. It was a hit and run accident.

I knew arwah back when I was attending tuition in Taiping. Both of us were in primary school; I was in Convent and arwah was from St. George. I do not remember much from those years but I do remember that arwah and I would always sit next to each other in tuition. When either of us brought sweets or chocs to class (the tuition centre was next to shop), we would share them. And I remember him being super smart as he would always finish his work fast.

We did not go beyond that, as we were only tuition friends. We met only during tuition and nothing more. We did not have phone calls neither did we ever play together. So when the school year ended, so did our friendship.

Fate brought us together back again when I entered boarding school. Unknowing that he was in the school, I enrolled and became his junior. I was really shocked to have met this person as he has grown so tall, so different from the little boy I shared my candy with. The first time I met him in school, both of us were surprised that nothing came out of our chatty little mouths. The early words were, "Ni yang tusyen kat Assam Kumbang tu kan?"... Those were the days.

Back in high school, arwah and I did not get the chance to be good friends again. Whenever we bumped into each other, only smiles would appear on our faces and nothing more. We did not ever chatted in school, perhaps it was because we were in this phase where girls talking to boys would be perceived as liking and it wasn't cool then. I am so sorry that I wasn't brave enough to continue the friendship we had.

A few years after that, when I was in Dunedin, I heard that Iman was in the UK, studying Maths (if I'm not mistaken). It was even a greater news knowing that he was well into dakwah and tarbiyah there. Iman whom I heard rumours about in high school, had changed into a Muslim, a great one i my opinion. At that point of time, I prayed inside that Iman would be consistent on this path and masyAllah indeed he has.

So yesterday, when I heard about his passing, shivers really ran down my spine. I know that him leaving his family, and the world, means so much more then just mere death.

1) Allah loves him and that Allah wants to meet him now rather than later. Iman has contributed to much into D&T in Malaysia, that Allah wanted to meet this person early, at only 24 years of age.

2) Hundreds of people had make duá for him, looking at my timeline on just facebook yesterday. Looking at his page, indeed it was swarmed with dua's and prayers and thank you notes on how Iman has affected their lives.

3) A reminder that death is always near, in fact the closest thing to us, is death. Therefore, let not his passing be a waste. Do not just be sad today and tomorrow continue with our lives but always bear in mind that death is could just be a minute away.

4) Those who have done their part in this world as a Muslim, performing what's been asked of us by Allah, inshAllah will have husnul khotimah. In Iman's case, indeed Allah has granted him that. Semua orang yang baik-baik, termasuklah APG dan Mukharikah tak putus-putus berikan duá dan menyatakan betapa dunia d&t kehilangan seorang akhi yang hebat.

Bismillahirrahmanirrah.
Ya Allah, ENgkau ringankanlah siksaan kubur Iman, sesungguhnya Engkau maha pengampun sekalian umat. Saksikanlah Ya Allah, Iman sudah melaksanakan hakMu dan kerana itu, permudahkanlah perjalanannya. Engkau berikanlah tempat yang terbaik untuk Iman dan Engkau berikanlah kekuatan untuk keluarga Iman menghadapi segala dugaan. Amiin ya rabbal álamiin

stuck

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the ever merciful.

Praise be to Allah, the lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the last prophet, Muhammad, sollallahu alaihi wasallam. Alhamdulillahi rabbil álamin for the wonderful gift of life that Allah has presented me, my family and my cirlce of friends. Not forgetting the bountiful rizk and mercy He has showered me this very moment, I thank Allah for everything He has presented me with, truly He is the most merciful.

It's been four weeks since I started working in a school and it has been challenging. Many things have happened and I have, several times, thought of quitting. If it wasn't the fact that the school needed extra hands with the kids, I think I would really rather stay at home, spending time with the family. Anyhow, Allah knows best and therefore, I am, up till now, still teaching in SMK Taman Seraya.

It was not really something to celebrate when I got to know that I was switched to the afternoon session to teach the peralihan class. not that it was something bad or anything, just that I do not have the motivation to teach other subject other than English. ICT was something, but peralihan is another different thing. Some of the kids do not even understand Bahasa Melayu.

I do not know how many times the thought of handing in the letter of resignation crossed my mind. Seriously. I am thinking of this Friday, the letter should at least be finished written. Only then, I can have peace of mind. I cannot do all this. without the prior knowledge, the weight of being the class teacher and managing the exam papers are just too much.

O Allah guide me.