Solemn Syawal

In the name of Allah.

This is the third day of Syawal in Dunedin and the last time I spoke to my mum was a week ago. It felt like weeks, maybe months because Eid passed without me having the chance to talk and say sorry for all my wrongdoings towards her in the past. I know to some it may sound 'ngegeh' but I have not, in the years that I've lived, go through the first of Syawal without hearing the screeching voice of my mother.

It hurts to the core that I am unable to do anything except pray to Allah that they will at least text to let me know that everything's all right. Lord knows how many times I cried a day thinking about them. Allahu Allah.

I tried keeping myself positive, that they're busy in the Holy land of Makkah. But what struck me the most is that, I too have done the umrah and I know that there are short intervals (i.e eat, shopping etc). Why couldn't they just give me a call in one of those intervals?

It made me realise that in a way, this is one of Allah's method in pointing me into the right direction. I was having a little 'love' issue before this came in. So I believe that when He decided to stop the communication between me and those I love, it is His way of showing me that, I should have loved Him above all the ones that I love. That I, should place Allah, the nearest to my heart. Allahu Allah.

I reflect that, Allah, being Arrahman and Arrahiim that He is, knows that I am unable to bear such loss if He would have just taken her away, thus only takes away the means of communication between us. Allahu Allah. I thought this for long, that maybe, maybe Allah is testing my trust and loyalty towards Him. I know that every cloud has a silver lining and my silver lining, is one genuine silver.

Pray for me my dear friends. Pray that I am able to be strong to go through His test and accept whatever's meant to be.