Down

In the name of Allah.

Everyone has their own limit. Everyone has their own breaking point. Mine, I reached mine yesterday, of course with shaitaan whispering on my ear. Astaghfirullahal 'azim. A'u zubillahiminash shaitaanirrajim.

If I could only be this concious person I am now yesterday.

What frustrates me the most it was done intentionally by one of the few persons I trust, one of the few person I am close to (now that I think about it, maybe the feeling isn't mutual). Perhaps I was more hurt than angry about yesterday's incident.It was one of those moments when I cannot look to that person in the eye. I'm sorry my friend, that I behaved in such lowly a manner.

Yes, I was such a low person. Haish.But that was yesterday.

This kind of issues make me realise how life isn't about you and your friends. You can never be too close nor too dependant upon somebody, because they too, are human. And no surprise, human makes mistakes and errors and they hurt you, no matter how much you love or adore them.

Maybe this is Allah's reminder telling me to, stop and come back to the rightful path. Cause no one deserves to be adored and loved more than Allah. No matter who they are. Anyhow, I should thank Allah for giving me such reminder and not letting me drift away. Shukur Alhamdulillah.

Ayah: 22 Sept 1997

In the name of Allah.

Today, 14 years back was the day that changed everything. Literally everything.

Though I was just 8, I still remember the things that happened on that day. We were in Pangkor for some police meeting. Angah and Abang weren't with us because Abang was already in UNITEN that time and Angah was sitting for her PMR trials.

If I could only sync the memory in my head into my computer it'll be easy. There's so much to say, so much things to spill. But it wouldn't be the same to telling because what's on my mind, cannot be said in words. They're beyond the vocabulary I have . Allahu Allah.

Perhaps that's Allah's way of asking me to tell Him what on my mind.

Today marks the 14th year Ayah passed away.

Ayah, I hope I'm not such a burden to you. I will try my best to be a good daughter, one that is solehah, faithful to Allah and Rasul and practices Islamic teachings in my life, insyAllah. I hope you're in a better place ayah and that Allah place you among those who will be under His shading. I hope that I am able to reduce your torments in the grave and give you peace and comfort.

Alfatihah

In youth and in age...

In the name of Allah,

2008?

2011

Of mini hijabs and short-sleeved and tight shirts to full-covering-of-the-bosom-hijab and loose dresses. 

Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to repent and return to You. Allahu Allah.

In youth we learn, in age we understand.

In the name of Allah

All praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, peace and blessings be upon the last prophet Muhammad sallahu alaihi wassalam. I thank Allah for only through His mercy that I am able to breathe and stand as a Muslim up till today, Alhamdulillah.

"The believers are but a single brotherhood" 49:10

A muslim is the brother of another muslim.He does not oppress him, nor does he leave him at the mercy of others. And whoever becomes busy in taking care of the need of his brother, Allah will be taking care of his need. And whoever lifts a hardship from a muslim, Allah will lift a hardship from him from amongt the hardships of the Day of Judgement. And whoever covers the faults of a Muslim, Allah will cover his faults on the Day of Judgment [Bukhari, Hadith 2262]

The Islamic brotherhood (bond) is not based on economic interests, race or colour.  It is based on something infinitely superior: rejection of falsehood and acceptance of the truth as revealed by the one true God, Allah. Those who are within this brotherhooed embodies the best moral values of faith: mercy, compassion, fear of Allah, piety and justice. They are strong against the unbelievers but compassionate amongst each other (48:29). In their love and concern for each other, all members of this brotherhood/sisterhood are on body:

When any part of the body suffers, the whole body feels the pain [Bukhari, Hadith 5552]

bi'ah solehah, insyAllah

Solemn Syawal

In the name of Allah.

This is the third day of Syawal in Dunedin and the last time I spoke to my mum was a week ago. It felt like weeks, maybe months because Eid passed without me having the chance to talk and say sorry for all my wrongdoings towards her in the past. I know to some it may sound 'ngegeh' but I have not, in the years that I've lived, go through the first of Syawal without hearing the screeching voice of my mother.

It hurts to the core that I am unable to do anything except pray to Allah that they will at least text to let me know that everything's all right. Lord knows how many times I cried a day thinking about them. Allahu Allah.

I tried keeping myself positive, that they're busy in the Holy land of Makkah. But what struck me the most is that, I too have done the umrah and I know that there are short intervals (i.e eat, shopping etc). Why couldn't they just give me a call in one of those intervals?

It made me realise that in a way, this is one of Allah's method in pointing me into the right direction. I was having a little 'love' issue before this came in. So I believe that when He decided to stop the communication between me and those I love, it is His way of showing me that, I should have loved Him above all the ones that I love. That I, should place Allah, the nearest to my heart. Allahu Allah.

I reflect that, Allah, being Arrahman and Arrahiim that He is, knows that I am unable to bear such loss if He would have just taken her away, thus only takes away the means of communication between us. Allahu Allah. I thought this for long, that maybe, maybe Allah is testing my trust and loyalty towards Him. I know that every cloud has a silver lining and my silver lining, is one genuine silver.

Pray for me my dear friends. Pray that I am able to be strong to go through His test and accept whatever's meant to be.