Muslim Wives and the BIG M

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the merciful.

It has been a great one month rest, since I returned to Ampang for good, last November. Alhamdulillah, God has been very generous and good towards me, that I am blessed with numerous kindness and love from all the people around me.

Subahanallah, I have been attending a few wedding receptions recently, and I have to admit that I am a little bit pressured. Not by the fact that I am the only one left in the clan (BIG NO!), but it has been what I wanted to do the most since I don't know when; nikah in the early twenties. However, I came to understand that getting into that at a young age is very challenging, not because of money and stuff, but the maturity it requires from both the husband and the wife. I remember at one point I thought maybe getting married at a young age is a bad idea. However, as I further understand Islam (reborn), Alhamdulillah, Allah has opened my heart and mind about being a Muslim women, and eventually, a wife. Surely I cannot say that I would become an awesome, greatest wife a man could ever have, but inshAllah, I think I understand what Islam really requires from a wife in a marriage.

Ok melalut nak kawin.

What I really wanted to share today was a verry interesting 'fact' about a woman in a marriage- a wife. See, I have known this fact about sometime, but I have never tempted to put them in words, for fear that it might hurt some people (particularly husbands out there). But I truly believe that this is true.

In a recent seminar I attended in Masjid Negara, the speaker told us that a wife- at the beginning of the marriage, of couse do things with love and what nots. But after sometime, its not the same. After sometime, it is mujahadah that keeps them going. The BIG M. Imagine a wife with the house chores, and the kids, and the husband. Of course, there is no excuse for her to say no since they are her responsibilities. I mean, a wife without this mujahadah will power, could easily leave the husband and the kids and the home behind and work at the office and leave everything to the maid at home ( no offence working moms). Well, there's nothing wrong with working, since I too, inshAllah will become a working wife, tapi there has got to be limits.

A wife and a mother's first priority should be her family and nothing else. IF her work interferes with her time with the family, then, I think everyone agree that she should quit working.

OK back to mujahadah for wives.

Sometimes it gets really tiring and hard taking care of her 5 kids (just a number). What do we do when we get tired? We go angry and we shout. And the victims of our loud shoutings and irrational madness, is our kids. I am not saying that kids do not need scoldings ( I'm a teacher, I know), but it is the irrational things we resort to, sometimes, that made our actions so useless. That they do not bring any benefit to the kids and our mental health.

BUT

If we have the will power of mujahadah and patience, inshAllah, Allah's help is on its way. Flipping open the Quran, let's have a look at ayah 127 oh Surah An-Nahl,

"And endure patiently, for your patience is none but from Allah"

And also, ayah 214 fom the Al-Baqarah,

"....for the help from Allah is near (as long as you remain patient and hold on to Islam)"

If one persevere in her marriage and does everything with ikhlaas always in all her actions, inshAllah, the rahmah from Allah is always in the marriage and Allah will always make easy whatever actions the family chooses to take. That is the beauty of mujahadah, for Muslim wives, and consequently, a marriage with a strong Islamic foundation.

Mujahadah requires understanding and the power to remain strong for a long time. Not just mere seconds because who would want a marriage that only lasts seconds, right?. Women need to understand that we do not own this power and that it only comes from Allah.For example, the power of staying positive, come what may. I mean, imagine a situation, where you have been 'jatuh ditimpa tangga' and making things worst, 'langgar dinding'. All the troubles in the world are in front of you, and you have not broken down. How? Why? Of course,through our belief in Allah and His plans. Isn't it just beautiful how Islam works? MashAllah :') We persevere, and got through all the holes and hills, only through the positivity and patience that Allah has willed to be inside of us when those unfortunate events happened. The BIG M, is something really difficult, but inshAllah worthy of all our effort, Muslim women.

Faham tak nak mesej yang ingin disampaikan? Agak tunggang-langgang sebab banayk sangat yang nak disampaikan.

Of course, both parties have to make sacrifice and be patient, but since I am a woman, I see this as a really big deal as the creature with XX chromosome, is very well-known as very emotional being. And when one becomes emotional, the actions that comes with those emotions, are often very irrational. Therefore, this is a reminder for whoever's reading this, as well as myself, to always keep my niat straight and be mindful about the responsibilities that come with the title 'wife'.

Till then, Salamualaikum!

warning: lengthy serabut post on friendship

In the name of Allah the most gracious, the merciful.

To tell you the truth, it has never reached to me the real meaning of ukhuwwah until a few months back. Since, I too, was reborn as a Muslim just quite recent ( baru ke kalau dalam 2 tahun lepas?), most of the people I knew as friends now, were friends from back then and only a few that I have gotten to know through mukhayyams and joint halaqahs.

Not until recent that I truly understand the real meaning of ukhuwwah. Cause I have always assumed that ukhuwwah i friendship. When we talk about friendship, we include friends and friends are the people that we know and be comfortable around with. I have to admit that I used to choose my friends. In my teenage years, the people that I was close with were those who had the same interest as I am in music as well as behaviour. I guess everyone agrees that we most likely be comfortable with people who are 'sekepala' with us. Be it crazy or just plain Jane. Same with me and my 5 other friends. And praise Allah, I am still good friends with these five girls.

When I started to really learn about Islam, I started quite awkwardly. Not having a good start and all, I was very uncomfomtable meeting new people. At that point of time, I kept asking myself whether it was necessary to go to these programmes and meet new people, when I could just stay at home, on my cozy bed. Please bear in mind that I was still new in this league and did not understand the need to meet people. But Alhamdulillah, Allah grant me the power to persevere and He definitely made my path easy. From the many meetups and programmes, I have become more comfortable meeting and making new friends.

Ok balik ke cerita ukhuwwah.

See, what makes ukhuwwah a little bit different from just friendship is that, ukhuwwah comprises a number of things. Friendship, intention (niat) and actions that we take in blossoming the bond. Of course, it has to be because of Allah, or at the very east, being directed towards something good and beneficial to oneself or towards other people.

In the very few days of my involvement in D & T, I have, alhamdulillah had many opportunities to meet people in the anme of ukhuwwah. And believe it, it's one great experience. It felt as though, my life has mroe purpose, that the people that I have met  these days came into my life with a purpose, and I understand better what those purposes are. Before this, I ahve always thought that my good friends are the people I can get along with, lepak with, laugh with and of course cry with. However, with these new view in life, I see the people in my life as being more valuable, like their levels have been upgraded in some way, which is really2 good.

When I talk about these new people in my life, I am not saying that my friends whom I've been through thick and thin with are not worthy of that new levels. Believe me, that did not cross my mind. I think that I have a better view of how the world really works and that I should share this special thing with my good friends. So I went here and there, up and down the hills to get them to be with me. Not easy, but it is definitely worth the effort. Cause in the end, our destination is the same; the akhirah.

So what I am basically trying to say here is that, you guys, no matter which path you choose in life, you shouldn't leave behind these lovely people who have had numerous laughs and cries with you. I love you guys, so let's get into this together, forever.

Us back in 2006.

Anda bila lagi?

Very recently at my good friend's reception.

light and way out

In the name of Allah, the most gracious the most merciful.

I cannot think of a better word to express my syukr except Alhamdulillah for being able to breathe and still be here today. Alahmdulillah for my recent graduation, I could not have done it if Allah did not allow me to do it.I am truly very blessed to be given the chance to study and finally graduated along with the other kiwi students there.I am now officially a graduate!

Us and a few sisters responsible for driving  us to Dent School.  Just before the parade.

I feel helpless understanding the fact that a person that I hold dearly in my heart is in trouble. I cannot but only pray and say du'a to her. I really hope that Allah would show a way out for her in this grieving time. Looking at this matter from the point of view of a person who have yet to get married, it made me really realize how marriage isn't just  living together and things don't always fall into places like we wanted them to be. In fact, I have heard and been in many situations where marriages always don't go as the couples had hoped. I truly feel bad about these things happening to the people I am closed with but I know Allah knows best and He has planned a lot of things, better things for us.

I really love the fact that Islam has the concept of tawakkal and redha. After a long day of hard work and determination, we pray that the outcome of our work is good (tawakkal) and whatever happens after that, we know that it is for the best and we will be content(syukr). Also, we also open our hearts and minds to whatever or however the outcome may be (redha) I think this is the one thing lacking in most of us as when we do not have these understanding within us, we easily become ungrateful and dissatisfied with our work and achievement. 

I pray that Allah will show you a way out. I pray that Allah gives you light and protect you and your husband from the unseen. I pray, whatever comes your way, you will be able to face it without having to break. Amiin.